i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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