I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
