I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
