We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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