Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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