I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
