there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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