you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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