and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
