So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
FUCK WHALES
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
