God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
