I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
