if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
