I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
