sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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