Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
