3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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