How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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