I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
