Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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