Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to calm my uterus...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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