Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
