Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
