Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
