I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
