At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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