There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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