I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize