I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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