He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
