Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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