Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
