Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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