A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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