Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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