a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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