Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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