she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
