just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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