I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
