Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
