Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
