Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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