we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
