it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
