I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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