dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
