Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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