Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
