some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
