I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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