He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
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I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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