It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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