This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The cops high fived after they tackled you
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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