i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
