I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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